Two words have been spinning in my head the last two weeks and maybe you can relate. The first word is failure and the second word is integrity.
Let’s start with failure. As I rewrite practically my WHOLE blog because my laptop quit, even after I saved my draft, I can hear the Holy Spirit softly laugh and say, “Didn’t think I would test your words that quickly, huh?” so here we go haha!
I recently watched a series by Andy Stanley called “How to Not Become Your Own Worst Enemy” and it brought up some STUFF in me. Session two of this series was based on the statement, “Pay attention to your narratives.” What are you telling yourself in every day situations? After watching that series, I realized I needed to pay a lot more attention. For example, since being home, the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to set some specific goals for the rest of the year and it is a pretty tall order. So, with my schedule shift, one morning I accidentally overslept. “That’s because you are a failure.” One day I did not finish everything I said I wanted to finish. “Well yeah, because you are a failure.” I looked at my week and realized I could not schedule a client as soon as I originally told them I could. “Failure.” There was a moment when I slipped back into a bad habit and my mom brought it to my attention. “Are you seriously not catching on yet? These things are piling up to confirm that you are a failure!” Every moment is an opportunity to either let the enemy convince you of whatever negative narrative he has been feeding your thoughts or tell those narratives to bow their knee to the TRUTH of the Word of God. Andy ended his message with this question, “Will you demolish every narrative that conflicts with the value system introduced by Jesus?”
I have been reading an incredible book called, Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen, and this Andy Stanley series reminded me of a practical way she explains on how to identify and combat those thoughts. Step one: Write down your core thought or emotion and circle it. Step two: Draw a line outward from that core emotion for every area of your life that emotion, or negative narrative, has affected and how. Step three: Take them to the Father in prayer, and search his Word to see what the TRUTH has to say about it. If you feel like a failure, what does the Bible say? If you feel worthless, what does the Bible say? No matter what your negative narrative is, always take it back to the Bible and see what the Father has to say. Chances are, you have at least one narrative that needs to be crossed out by the Truth. For me, words of encouragement are really important so writing words down and then seeing what THE WORD says has always been extremely impactful.
Let’s pause and switch to my next word. Integrity. A heavy word. It is a huge compliment to be called a person who has integrity. The definition – adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. In a different Andy Stanley series, he goes in depth about the importance of having integrity as a Jesus follower. He gave the example of Daniel and it truly makes you wonder, “no matter the circumstances, am I the same person? No matter what room I am in or people I am around, does my character increase or decrease? Do my morals or honesty waver?” I think it is really important that all of us ask ourselves these questions. But, here is how failure first entered the scene. When I made my commitment to the Lord to set these specific goals for the end of the year, or take another step towards having more integrity, it required more of my time and concentration. I realized very quickly how easy it would be to fall short. It is pretty unlikely for anyone to be perfect on their first try at something new so, naturally, when I made this change, I made some mistakes. “Well, duh, you can’t have integrity if you are a failure!”
A big revelation I had a couple of years ago is that you will get the most pushback from the enemy when you are chasing your calling. You will typically fall, or fail, the most when you are working towards the thing that will bring God the most glory through your life. The enemy will throw the most fiery darts and whisper the most lies in the area of your life that will result in the biggest breakthrough. In my experience, I am completely defenseless until I bring Truth to the situation. Not only that, it is also impossible for me to have integrity without the help of the Holy Spirit. I believe that Jesus was the perfect example of what it looks like to live out purpose with integrity with the Holy Spirit’s help and guidance.
The narratives you allow could be playing a part in why you feel stuck, frustrated or, like me, defenseless. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalms 44 and it says, “It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them.” Whether we want to believe it or not, we all have thoughts in our heads and sometimes it feels quite literally like a battlefield. I am going to work on fighting the negative narratives with the Truth of the Word of God. Will you?
Chasing the Call 